Who I choose to be…

I probably shouldn’t be writing this when I’ve been out for the evening. But these thoughts were precipitated by a conversation with a friend earlier tonight.

You are not your past.  You are not the sum total of what you have done in your life.

You are who you choose to be.

There will be some people who are determined to keep you in your past, for whom it is safer to pigeonhole you into the space they are comfortable with, to keep you as you were so that they can still relate, but you are not that person.

Everyone has a past.  Everyone has history.  That history has taken you on a journey and got you to where you are today.  It has woven the tapestry of your life, and coloured it.  It has given it depth, and meaning.  But it is not who you are.

You are who you choose to be.

I have a past.  As do you.  In my past, I was all sorts of people.

I was a geek – I won prizes for maths, I did extra study in school holidays.

I partied hard.  I had fun.  A lot of fun :).

I was an artist.  I created things.

I was a blonde, a brunette, a redhead.

I was all sorts of different people, I did all sorts of different things.  I found all sorts of people interesting and I made some wonderful friends.  Who I was, brought me people I still treasure today.  People who recognize me for what I am.

I am who I choose to be.

All the ‘mistakes’ I made, all the wrong turns I took, all the monumental f*ck ups I have had – all of them have got me to here.  To where I am now.  They have given me the strength and the wisdom to become who I want to be.

I am who I choose to be.

Thomas Edison was once asked (for now let’s ignore what he did to Tesla) how he dealt with the fact he had failed 10,000 times before he invented the light bulb.  His answer was “I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”.

There Is NO failure, there is only feedback.

I’ve thought I failed – countless times.  I’ve failed, and f*cked up and done it over and over again.  But really, when it comes down to it – I haven’t.  I’ve learned how I DON’T want to live my life.  I’ve learned who I DON’T want to be.  I’ve learned what I love, what I value, what is important to me. Who is important to me.  I’ve had feedback – internal, and external.  I’ve had friends give me feedback that wasn’t always welcome.  But I’ve learned. And I’ve grown.  And I’ve moved on and changed.

I’ve become who I choose to be..



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